The Furter Primary School
by rrr8
Summary: Frank decides to embark upon a new mission. Creating a primary school. Riff Raff, Magenta and Columbia are all teachers, Frank the principal. Riff Raff takes charge of the grade ones, who wreack excessive amounts of havoc.
1. No, Not a School!

Magenta walked through the house looking for her brother Riff Raff. "Riff" she called but he was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't in his room (or hers for that matter) or the lab so…

She stepped into the ballroom and there he was lounging over Frank's throne, humming what sounded like the time warp. He looked up at the click of her boots as she entered.

"There you are, I could hear you calling from a mile off. I was kind of lost in my thoughts though… What is it that you wanted?"

"Frank wants us. I think he said something about a school"

"What!" Riff Raff yelled "A school!" He sat bolt upright on the throne. "I will never go anywhere near any of those bratty earthling kids" Magenta smiled. He'd had a run in with one when he went out with Frank to carry groceries. The child had come up to him and demanded money. Riff, looking death at him, had politely told the child to piss off. He had received an angry kick in the shins and a harsh yelling at from the child's father. Frank had stood by and laughed.

"I'm not sure what Frank wants with a school" Magenta told her brother. "Though I'm sure it won't deeply involve us. What could we possibly do?"

She was soon to find out.

Frank looked up as Riff Raff and Magenta walked into the dining room. He was working on his nails and didn't like to be disturbed. "God you take half and hour to fetch your _brother_ and then you come back while I'm in the middle of something. You never seem to get your timing right Riff Raff" Frank grumbled, seeming to forget that it was really Magenta's fault, happy to put all the blame on Riff.

"Master it was really my fault, please don't blame Riff" Magenta asked

Luckily Frank was in a good mood and was prepared to let it go. Columbia walked in at that moment, summoned by Magenta earlier, although she had decided to have a shower first. "What's this I hear about a school Frankie, you know I really don't like children, especially babies they smell, and young children just like to spill things all over you" she said all in one breath, extremely fast, in her high pitched whiney voice.

Frank rolled his eyes. "Sit down Columbia, and yes this does involve a school. In fact it involves the new Furter Primary School."

Riff gasped "No, you're not serious, I won't have anything to do with it"

"Oh yes you will" Frank replied gleefully "In fact you're a teacher. All of you are"

"What!" Riff shrieked

"Crap" Magenta said

"Oh no Frank, you can't do this, children are unhealthy, disgusting, despicable, ugly, stupid, annoying, vile…

"Shut up, Columbia!" Frank yelled. "I can do whatever I want. As of now I am Principal Furter and you three are all teachers under my command!"

"Haven't we always been" Riff mumbled

"This isn't fair, I don't want to be a teacher" Columbia whined "Besides who will teach the other classes we can't teach them all"

"Don't worry I've hired help and I got some kids too" Frank assured Columbia. "It's only for two days, time flies when you're having fun."

"Fun my arse" Riff mumbled

"Be quite Riff, I'm putting you in charge of the grade ones. Should be quite a blast" he said to the look of horror that crossed Riff Raff's face. "Magenta you can handle the grade sixes and Columbia the grade three's. The kids will be here tomorrow, I expect you, Riff, to clean out the bedrooms and spare rooms tonight and equip them with desks and blackboards which will be here later. I'm going to have a shower." He finished and strode off in the direction of his rooms. Columbia followed him, probably to plead and beg some more.

"Why me" Riff groaned

"Hey, I know you don't like kids. It'll be ok it's only for two days. You need to relax" Magenta said, taking Riff's hand and leading him towards his room

"But why kids" he groaned "Why not something else, anything else"

"Forget it for now" Magenta told him and tugged him into the room


	2. Midnight Talk

The blackboards, desks and chairs arrived that afternoon. Frank was there to supervise the unloading, while Riff Raff unloaded. Frank had hired some help for Riff Raff; a couple of fat middle aged men who did more eating than Riff thought was humanly possible. In the time that it took them (mostly Riff) to unload the truck, they had consumed 5 doughnuts apiece, 2 pizzas between them and 3 cans of soft drink each. Riff Raff's mouth was watering. He was so hungry he would probably eat this earth trash.

Once the unloading was finished it was up to Riff to lug everything into the castle, while Frank tried to persuade the two earth men to come to the castle for a night. They politely refused, claiming of having to get home to non-existing wives. Frank scared them in his corset, fishnet tights and loads of make up.

Riff Raff had to stay up late into the night turning the bedrooms into classrooms. He was constantly grumbling.

"Bloody stupid kids, you cannot teach these earthlings anything anyway, you tell them no and they just go and do it all over again. They'll just forget everything you teach them, there's no point, these children are so stupid and brain-

"RIFF RAFF!" Frank yelled from the doorway. Riff jumped, spun around and dropped the end of the black board he was positioning on his toe. He grabbed his foot and hopped up and down.

"Master I was just-

"I heard you grumbling you interrupted my beauty sleep!" He cried, flicking the whip he was holding towards Riff Raff. It hit him on his arm and Riff Raff yelped in pain.

"Just shut up and get on with it." Frank yawned. "I'm going back to bed".

"Master why are you creating a school anyway. What is the point?"

"Mind your own business Riff Raff. Though I suppose it won't hurt to tell you. See there was this really nice lady that I met at the supermarket. Remember that day when you met that nice little boy?"

Riff Raff rolled his eyes. It was always for a woman… or a man

"Well it turns out she's a teacher who'd just lost her job. She rang me up last week and wanted a job at my school. Oh yeah I told her I was a principal."

"But there is no point in offering her a job if you're only opening the school for two days." Riff Raff pointed out

"Do you doubt me? That's plenty of time to sleep with her." Frank smiled. Riff rolled his eyes again.

"Well you better get back to that blackboard. You've still got 5 more rooms to do. I'm going back to bed." Frank turned and walked out of the room.

Riff Raff picked the blackboard up and tried positioning it against the hooks on the wall again. "Perfect" He turned to walk away and the blackboard came crashing down on top of him. "This is going to be a long night" He said


	3. The Morning of The First Day

Morning and Riff Raff was woken from his place under a desk by the sound of children outside the castle. He had been too tired to drag himself to bed last night so instead he fell asleep under the desk. He stood up and peered out the window. A congregation of family cars were parked near the entrance to the castle. Mothers, fathers and children got out to be greeted at the door by Frank who, for a change, looked passably like an earthling. He was wearing jeans and a top, though he ruined the whole look with a pair of high heels. Luckily these were mostly covered by his jeans. Children looked up scared at the castle before them. Riff Raff laughed.

He heard the commotion in the lobby as all the new students tramped in. Riff Raff mumbled another one of the why me's and went down to see Frank.

As Riff Raff walked into the lobby all the children looked up at him. He scowled at them all and they quickly looked down, scared to death of the stick thin man, with tattered clothes and a hunchback. "Ahh there you are Riff Raff" Frank turned to look at him from the door. "Show these children to their classrooms"

"Follow me" Riff Raff said to them. There was quite a lot of kissing as parents said goodbye to their kids and Riff Raff was quite disgusted with the lot of children that he had been presented with. They all trooped up the stairs to the rooms.

They reached a door with Grade One's printed on a sign on the door. "All of the little- I mean all the children that are in grade one should go in there" He watched as the little kids that he was to teach walked into the classroom. They continued and Riff Raff dropped each class into their appropriate classroom. Then he headed back to the dining room which he had transformed into a principals office.

Frank, Magenta, and Columbia were sitting around a large desk and a strange woman he did not know sat next to Frank. There were also a bunch of other teachers. "Here he is, now we can get on with it" Frank said to the assembled teachers. "Ok now I want to know how much I have to pay you, because I'm not giving any handouts"

"But isn't this something that should be discussed during a staff meeting?" one teacher suggested. "I know the kids are waiting in their classrooms…"

Frank was about to tell the teacher to shut up but then thought better of it. "Ok then we'll discuss this topic during our next staff meeting. For now you get paid $10 an hour."

"But-

"No I don't think we need to discuss this anymore. Off to class"

The teachers left grumbling. Riff Raff, Magenta, Columbia and the strange women stayed behind.

"This is Ms. McCann, my recently employed school teacher. Without accommodation of her own I have provided her with a room in the castle for a couple of weeks"

Riff had a feeling he knew which room.

"But you said it's only- Columbia tried to interrupt

Frank glared at her until she shut up.

"How do you do" she said shaking everyone's hand. After she had shook Riff Raff's she grimaced and wiped her hand on the table.

"Well I suppose now that everyone's introduced, we can all go and teach our classes. I have some business to attend to. Urgent business" Frank smiled at them all and ushered them out of the former dining room now turned into principal's office.

Ms McCann looked around outside the office "Err…"

"This way" Columbia said kindly to the teacher, leading her off in some random direction. Riff Raff had serious doubts that Columbia would even turn up at her class in time for lunch. As they walked off he could hear some her voice, going on and on and on. Franks new lady was in for a major chatting-but-mostly-listening session.

"Well then I suppose we've got to get to our _classes_" Riff Raff turned and said to his sister. "Should be interesting." He gave her a quick kiss and scurried off to his class.

"Should be" Magenta said to the empty air, and headed in the direction of the Grade 6 classroom.


End file.
